Matching energy

15.01.12 | Posted in Networking

Matching energy


I was two things last week: tired and busy. The two states are not a good combo and it made me even more sensitive as to how I communicate with others and get stuff done.

In this haze of being tired and busy I acutely noticed how people don’t pay attention to matching energy. Matching energy just means speaking at the same pace and either lowering your voice or making it louder so you’re in sync with the other person you’re trying to build rapport with.

I’m a naturally excitable and charismatic type of person so I always need to watch this as my communication style sits firmly at one end of the spectrum. Not everyone speaks as quickly or as enthusiastically (thank God), so I’m forever trying to slow things down so I can get on the same wave length as others. And when I was exhausted and trying to get through a pretty hectic to do list last week, those who didn’t respect my need to ‘get on with it’ left me really frustrated.

Ever struggled with building rapport? Next time it happens, be really aware of matching energy. Is the person speaking slowly? Then slow down your speech to match their pace. Do they seem in a rush, agitated, distracted? Then use less words, get on with it and let them do the same. Are they speaking really quietly? Turn your volume down too.

The above is a very basic lesson in what neuro-linguistic programming is all about. Used well, you’ll see your communication improve and your relationships flourish.


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  1. Faye Hollands

    Great article Emma, and I totally agree. As an NLP Practitioner I’m very aware of how important it is to match communication styles when you’re talking to others. I liken this to making sure you’re talking the other person’s ‘language’ – don’t shout spanish at them when they’re whispering english, it won’t get you very far! By getting on the same wave length as you say, and communicating in the same style, you really can improve rapport immeasurably. Thanks Em, a great reminder. Faye

  2. Louise Cusack

    Fabulous article Emma. Even when you’re tired I get a lift from reading your blog, and learn something each time. Thanks for the communication tip!

  3. Emma

    Thanks Em – enjoy this time while bubs is inside as it gets even busier when they’re out! :)

  4. Miranda

    Great story Emma. Your naturally excitable and charismatic persona must come with the name – I have two friends called Emma and they are my two must energetic and excitable friends!

    One of them so much so that I struggle to spend time with her unless I’m able to match her energy! In the years I’ve known her it’s highlighted to me the need to adjust my own energy levels with everyone, friends and family as well as business partners, clients and colleagues.

    It’s good to know that this is a considered business technique and I’ll be ever more mindful now too – so thanks :)

  5. Jane DelRosso

    It’s really nice to know that I’m “normal”. As a solo business owner it’s a constant challenge to always be the marketer, sometimes be administrator, be “myself” on social media, etc. but “tired and busy” adds to the challenge of keeping an even keel. Someone told me this morning that reputations are made over years, but destroyed in a moment.

  6. Abbie Allen

    Thanks Emma – I am sure I unconsciously do this at some times, but I have never properly thought about matching energy. I can see this is going to be of real benefit to me. Thanks for another great article.